Own Women

We can all easily become a subject to one of the biggest mistakes that can happen in a relationship – losing our own identity while blending into the identity of the pair. We enjoy being part of a union, belonging and feeling connected. However, if we are not careful, we might fall into the trap of substituting our individual desires and goals for the ones we share with our partner. This can lead not just to the feelings of emptiness, but to the destruction of the relationship. The person that chose us, made that choice for whom we were at the time and once we change drastically we might not be that choice anymore.

Therefore, to have a prosperous relationship, we need to be happy as individuals first. Our identity of being a partner to someone should not overshadow our own identity. Only if we still have individual goals, while having mutual ones, can the relationship move forward. Furthermore, nothing is as sexy as a person who is successful in what they are passionate about.

Recognizing the signs

How many times have you found yourself thinking “I’d love to go to the gym, but I would rather spend time with him?” or “Never mind, I can meet my friend next week.”? Spending time with our loved one is precious and naturally, you will want to spend as much time as you can with him. However, it is crucial that we don’t cease to do all the things we did before the relationship started. Spending time apart from the partner is necessary to keep the passion alive and have a happy relationship.

Do you fight for his or your mutual goals while postponing your own? Are you allowing your desires to be put aside while assigning priority to his? Although this is at times desirable to do in a relationship, the problem occurs when this is excessive. We need a sense of accomplishment to feel happy, hence we need something we can call our own to achieve said feeling. Not only will you feel successful, but it will also make you more attractive to your partner. We are all attracted to success.

Some of us will not detect the signs on time, but we can be certain our friends will. If your friends start calling you flaky all of a sudden or saying you changed considerably since you started the relationship, you might ask yourself if yours is a co-dependent relationship. Remaining independent to some extent in a relationship is important and makes the essence of a healthy relationship. Being self-sustained and independent can protect you from being hurt in case the relationship becomes destructive and/or ends. Additionally, you should never compromise on your core values to please the one you are with, even if it means losing them. Another partner will accept and love you the way you are. There is someone for whom you will not need to change your core values.

Reacting promptly

When you notice this pattern appearing react promptly. Cut it before it spreads! The sooner you react the easier it will be for you to implement it since it hasn’t become a habit. Additionally, acting sooner will lessen the resistance your partner will put up when you introduce a change.

Take time to envision about what you desire and generate your own goals, alongside the ones you have together. If you decide to do something on your own, there are different small business help and support for start-up businesses on the Gold Coast. If you find you need help and you don’t possess enough knowledge, you can always rely on coaching for business women. Being independent financially is important as it can promote independence in other areas of life. Coaching for success is an excellent choice if you want to be your own woman while being his partner. 

Invest time with your friends and set aside some alone time. Being apart can indeed help you grow closer. Remember the old saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” We might add that autonomy and self-reliance does too.

Be happy yourself to be happy together

Being independent instead of co-dependent means you enjoy being together, but you are good on your own too. When you are co-dependent, you find you can’t deal with problems alone, you rely on the partner for every need and you lose the sense of your own identity. Developing a healthy relationship requires effort and mindfulness of our actions. Devoting all free time to your partner can be pleasant, especially at the beginning, but it can lead to a co-dependent relationship.

A healthy relationship means two independent people, who can be happy on their own, choose to be in a relationship and spend time together. This kind of independence allows both to grow separately and as a pair. Being able to depend on self, doesn’t imply not relying on the other. Being able to support oneself means choosing when to rely on your partner, but being able to support yourself when he is unavailable. Having this sense of autonomy and confidence reflects on the relationship too. Two happy independent people develop an exponentially happy relationship.

11 March 2019 – Article Submitted by Milica Markovic


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