How to know you are ready to date after divorce

Divorce is rough and challenging, regardless of whether you were the one who ended it or it was your partner. Finding yourself on your own again, dealing with the break-up pain, making co-parenting plans, and eventually starting to date again can cause you to feel anxious and stare at the ceiling awake at night. Dating will most likely not be a priority right after the divorce, but once you do decide to try dating again, there are some things that could help you know you are ready for it.

You can accept your ex had some good qualities

There was a reason you chose your ex-partner in the first place, even though some of those elements might have changed over time. Why is it substantial to acknowledge this? Most likely the reasons you choose him are, nonetheless, relevant criteria on which you base the choice of your partner in general. The good qualities he possessed were indispensable to you to start with, hence you will likely want your new partner to possess them too. Therefore, choosing the exact opposite of your ex just to get as far away from as possible, is not a good idea. Ideally, you are able to recognize the desirable qualities about him and seek someone that is similar to him in that regard, but with the other benefits missing the first time.

You comprehend what you can and cannot compromise on

Do you know by now what are the absolute top 5 qualities your partner needs to possess if you are to stay with them? Do you identify some values and qualities you’d appreciate them to have, but can tolerate if he doesn’t have them? Coaching for success directs us to first understand our needs and things we wouldn’t settle for. Comprehending what is your absolute must and what you can compromise on will give clarity to your partner, but most importantly to yourself.

You don’t require a man to validate you

To be fair, we are social beings and need affirmation of other people. However, it is crucial we find our own name on the list of people who make us feel worthy. In coaching for success, one of the priorities is to be able to rely on yourself for affirmations. What is it that you like about yourself, what makes you exceptional and noteworthy? Being your own validating agent will be your shield against rejections and negative feedback. Invest in the relationship with yourself first and find happiness in time you spend alone. Any new partner that enters your life will merely add to that happiness, but shouldn’t be the sole or key reason for it.

Acknowledge what you desire to achieve with dating

Before you go on a first date, think about what is your goal. Coaching for business women instructs us to first set a goal that will drive our efforts. Would dating be a way of acquiring a partner to share life with, simply have fun, meet new people, etc.? Knowing what you want to achieve will guide your behaviour and support you in achieving exactly that. You might not know right now, and you want to explore exactly what you would like to gain from dating? That is alright too, as long as you are straightforward to your date but most importantly honest with yourself. If you are looking for a long-term commitment and your date is seeking something casual, you stand to get hurt.

Dating after divorce can be intimidating, to say the least. Putting yourself out there can be frightening, but it can be rewarding too. To make sure you get the most from it, be ready before you go on the first date. In conclusion, to check if you are prepared, you can ask yourself:

  • What were some good qualities my ex had, and what was missing?
  • What kind of qualities does my new partner need possessing, and what would I like him to have, but I can tolerate if he doesn’t?
  • What do I love about myself? Why am I worthy and exceptional regardless of whether others recognize it?
  • What am I seeking for from dating?

Most of all “Be Kind to yourself” – There is no right or wrong in the journey you take and your journey will be different that another. When we go on a journey of self-discovery we can often re-invent ourselves. Maybe learn meditation and mindfulness. Separating makes it sound like half of you has gone when in reality you are about to discover a new you – ENJOY!!.

 

“Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but they no longer lead somewhere.”

 

10 February 2019 – Article Submitted by Milica Markovic